If I Can't Have a Kitty, At Least Give Me Sparkles

Meet Mr. Occlusal Guard.

Yo.

I brought him home yesterday. He is supposed to help keep me from grinding my teeth at night. He better do more than that at $207 (after insurance). For that price, I could have adopted two kittens from the Humane Society. Which is better? Two soft, cuddly things that keep you company and love you.....or a hunk of plastic? And it's pretty boring too. Not cute or unique like a kitty. Afterwards, I thought I should have asked if they could make it a different color or sparkly. Like the retainers I had when I was a kid. My top retainer was hot pink and glowed in the dark. The bottom one was clear with multicolored sparkles. Not to mention my stellar headgear.

Even with the headgear, I think I was cuter back in the day.

Being the dork that I was, I even wore this to school. I colored-coordinated the bands to my outfits. And clipped my barrette to the headpiece. (Sure didn't care about what people thought about me back then. Where did my self-confidence go?) So mister, you better step up to the plate. You have big shoes to fill. Otherwise, I'm going to exchange you for a kitty.